Kune be bothered?

"Here Mr PiggyWiggle, look at the camera.....there's a good boy."

"Mr PiggyWiggle? Mr PiggyWiggle?? Do I look like something from a Beatrix Potter novel?"

"Yes; you're cute!"

"Cute? Cute? Do you know what I am?"

"Yes, you're a pi...."

"I, madam, am a kunekune...a very noble New Zealand species, valued for my beautiful coat and svelte form."

"Svelte? That's hilarious. So what does kunekune mean?"

"It's a Maori word. It translates as 'majestic beauty of the forest'."

"Rubbish. I've just googled kunekune and it actually means 'round and fat'!"

"Really. And does your Google also tell you that we're maneaters?"

"Of course not. It says you're exceptionally friendly and docile. Here...what are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that? Get those tusks away from me. Help...help...HELP........"