Miles to deal...

I had an IA hike this weekend, this picture sums up my weekend perfectly. Over 50k of backpacking and then waiting for kids to get there. Can of tuna, cause I got hungry and a map, making sure I'm in the right spot. It was a tiring but good weekend. 
It's funny how being outside ALONE with no one around your heart catches up to you.  When you  have nothing to distract you, the feelings and hurts you have been shoving down come rushing back. Those moments come roaring back when you've said and done things you shouldn't have. The I'm sorries and the  you've hurt me all come like a tidal wave leaving you in a spot where nothing makes sense except the pouding of your feet in the dirt and the ache of your body. Almost as if you are trying to make your whole body hurt as much as your heart, because then maybe you'll be numb and nothing will ever matter again. 

Realistically, this doesn't happen, that numbess, it does for an hour or two until you stop hiking and then it all catches up to you.  Then you take a deep breath and accept that the ache will always exist. It will catch you in the quiet, it will catch you in the noise and in the moments you  least expect it. THat's sadly the reality of life.  The moments you feel that you wish you could go back and change, but then the pouding headache of knowing you can't; it shakes up your heart and your head.

50k later I am still hurting, but maybe, just maybe a little less. 

For the persons I have hurt (you know who you are) it's funny but 50k doesn't hold a match to what we shared. I'm eternally sorry.