Air Fury (R)

I despise hand dryers.

I don't like paper towels because of their environmental (not to mention hygiene) impact, and thank goodness roller towels are largely a thing of the past.  

But hand dryers SUCK.

They are either so pathetic they achieve nothing, or so powerful they spray water droplets from your hands onto your shoes, or worse, trousers.  Most of them seem to have a sensor designed only to detect an elephant trying to copulate with them, so even if you manage contortions required of a human to get hands both under the air stream and in line of the sensor, they go off after about two seconds as you try to move your hands to dry them. 

A timer should help, but most seem to count down from 10 seconds while emitting a whisper of cold air that wouldn't dry a moist beetle, let alone a human hand.

The majority blow cold air until you are just about finished, although there is a rare furnace to roast the flesh off unwary hands just to keep you alert.

There is a special place in hell for Dyson and is "hand dryer" torture cells. The Airblade is horrific. If you have large hands, it's all but impossible to avoid touching the (unhygenic) side, or dipping a finger in the festering pool of germs that accumulates in the bottom.  

God help you if you have a child and an Airblade is the only option.  At least it's funny watching him try to reach up and trigger the average hand dryer.  Lifting him up to try to dip him hands-first into an Airblade is excruciating.  Then of course his hands are too small to trigger the obstinate things anyway.  

The V shaped Dyson one is worse - guaranteed blowing of any water droplets that remain on my hands straight to the crotch area of my trousers (usually along with some of the skin and the odd finger - can't complain that one doesn't have enough power).

I really don't understand how it's 2018 and drying hands after washing them is to all practical purposes and unsolved problem.

Air Fury?  At least this one caused exactly what it said on the tin, and didn't claim to dry hands.