Post Brexit...I needed an appointment

As the screams gradually faded into inconsolable sobbing, those in the queue listened for the dreaded creaking hinges of the gate, then Stanislav would emerge, kicking the cat out of the yard mid shit, tap his pipe on the heel of his shoe.

“Who is for next?” he asked in a strong Slavic accent, as he wiped his bloody hands on a long bloodier apron.

Those around me had taken a step backwards.
“Erm...me I guess” I gulped.

“If the tooth needs to be out”...he explained...

“We have three plans..

Gold: Full anaesthesia, sterilised equipment. No pain. After care. £600
Silver: Partial anaesthesia, washed equipment. Bit of pain. Off you go. £300
Bronze: The vet will take it out, possibly with hammer. £20, It will hurt. A lot. For you will be lucky, I am also vet in my country.”

I opted for the bronze plan.

You are brave man! I am respecting that!” said Stanislav. Stanislav and I enjoyed a manly moment together before I confessed the appointment 
wasn't for me but for the wife.

Grisly Halloween Sale now on at...

Tadum & Tush
Bespoke Joke Recyclers
Unit 32A
Salamander Street
Leith