out of the closet

There are certain stories I can only tell among close friends.  This is one of them.

Many, many years ago, in the days before lycra, there were very few options as far as leg-wear is concerned, for the keen male cyclist in winter.  During the colder months, the older members of my cycling club would bring out the tweed knickerbockers and knee length socks while we younger members just wore jeans.  

There were some though, hard men, brought up on raw meat and cold baths, who looked down on such cissy behaviour, electing to wear the shorts they’d worn all summer, even if it did mean that they might have to wash them from time to time.

One of my friends, keen to impress the tough guys, dispensed with the tweed and the denim and turned up one cold day wearing a pair of his girlfriend’s black tights under his woollen shorts.  This threw the diehards - my friend did after all sport a shapely ankle - and the tights did much to show off his calf muscles, while at the same time keeping his legs warm.  

It caused them to think; Rudolf Nureyev wore tights and it didn’t do him any harm and Max Wall had made a career out of it.  So it wasn’t long before the closets of wives and girl friends were being raided (no questions asked) and a new cycling fashion born.

I mention this to Anniemay this morning.  She drags me into the clothing section of the supermarket;  “I think you’d be better off with leggings”  she says.  There’s a woman standing next to us, ears pricked.  “I think you need a size 16-18 for the length.”  I read the label and protest; “that’s 38-40 inch waist”.  

And now there’s another woman feigning interest in luxury leggings.  Anniemay grabs the leggings off the rack and holds them up against my waist; “See - you need these for the length…”  

The audience are looking at me.  At least I think they are.  Perhaps this is perfectly normal - they’re clearly women of the world who’ve seen it all.  Anniemay, sensing my reluctance to purchase, puts them back on the rack.  “You can try a pair of mine on when we get home.”  

And now I know they’re looking at me.