A Pregnant Pause

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

Princess, I loved your chat last night. I always enjoy your calls and you always make me laugh, even if - as last night - I also nearly choked because I am STILL SICK. 

I needed to share with Lemon this morning. I told her the story of the 47 year old with a baby and she told me that recently her doctor had told her she could stop using contraception. 

"No," she told him. In no uncertain terms.
"But you're nearly fifty..." he explained.
"No," she repeated. 
"But the chances of..."
"I am very fertile," she told him. "VERY. I guarantee you. Twins in a week."

She is basing this on experience. She told me she did, in fact, plan her third child (which she had quite late) but her fourth was a complete accident. 

"I was SO upset," she said. "I sat bawling in my chair when I found out." 

Her daughter (who is in her twenties) came home and asked what was going on. Lemon explained.

"Oh my god," said the daughter. And here Lemon was expecting some words of kindness. "That's DISGUSTING! Why are people of YOUR age still doing it??"

"I was so upset. I couldn't bear to tell my mum about it," Lemon went on. Then one day she visited her mother who had laid on a big seafood platter. "I LOVE seafood," explained Lemon, "but you know what they say about avoiding it when you're pregnant."

I don't, but go on.

"So obviously I ate it all because yum," said Lemon, "and then at the end I said 'Oh guess what mum? I'm pregnant.' She was horrified. She told me off for eating the seafood and said that if my son came out looking like a prawn it would be all my own fault."

As it turns out, he is a normal-looking child and her teenage son really took to him. "He used to take him to school, it was weird," said Lemon. "Not that I minded. I got a lie-in. He even took him to his rugby games, and would pass the baby around whenever he got subbed on."

Lemon went on to say that this caused some concern amongst the other rugby mothers. "Do you see that teenage boy with a baby?" they would ask.

"Oh yes. That's my baby," replied Lemon.

"And... and... is that your PARTNER?" they asked, horrified.

Lemon cleared THAT one up in a hurry. 

Now that teenage son is in his twenties and he has a child of his own. "He came in one day with this look on his face," said Lemon, "and he said, 'Guess what mum?'"

I said, "'No. Just no. Don't you dare. Don't you even.'" But it was too late. 

"Like I said," Lemon sighed. "We are a VERY fertile family."

S.