Night Time Me

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

I get headaches in my sleep sometimes. It is very annoying.

This was one of those nights. I was vaguely aware of it, half-asleep. My head was full of words and ideas. They tumbled and tangled and fought with each other and when I woke up at 2am, it felt like I was gasping for air.

I tried to go back to sleep, but when I'm like this it is no use. The sheets tangle around my feet and my pillow goes the wrong shape and of course I need to pee. Again.

I have found that it is pointless to resist sleeplessness. Years and years ago I had insomnia. I was living in a basement flat in Danube Street and I think the lack of natural light messed with my head. I would lie in bed not going to sleep, and getting angrier and angrier because I couldn't get to sleep. 

Tip: It is hard to go sleep angry.

So these days I try not to let sleepless nights bother me. I make myself as comfortable as I can. I do my best not to think about how crappy I'm going to feel when I go to work because hey, work can be crappy even on 8 hours sleep, right?

And gradually I calm down and the headache subsides. I push away the buzzing thoughts of what might have been and what I should have said. And I start to enjoy being awake.

In fact, I have always felt there is something magical and wonderful about the night time. Sleepless in Stockbridge, I would sometimes stare out of the front window at a deserted Raeburn Place, and imagine everyone all asleep all at once, and that would make me feel peaceful. And then I'd see a taxi going by, and I wouldn't feel so alone. 

At this moment I can hear a blackbird singing. Jasper is looking out of the window, straining to see the bird and twitching his whiskers in the night air.

Today is going to be crappy. And I am going to be irritated all day. And Smock is going to get right up my bum-hole. But right now, at 5.32am on a Monday morning I realise that night time me is happy. 

Daytime me will just have to suck it up. He can get stuffed.

S.