The best bit

This was the undeniable highlight of tonight's production of Carmen at Edinburgh Playhouse by the Ellen Kent company.

Mrs Smith and I were sat in the front row of the circle, suffused with the glow of dinner and red wine. Mrs Smith had just opened the Chocolate buttons (we're classy) and we were waiting for the curtains to open and the magic to begin.

Forty minutes later it was time for the first of three intervals and my wife said those three little words that made my night: "Are we off"??

Thank Christ for that, I've haven't heard such caterwauling since those foxes used to get in our back garden for their evening shagging sessions and I've seen better sets and acting in a school production.

Not long later we were in the pub bemoaning the waste of £60 (yes that's right £60 for two tickets) but agreeing that it was better to walk than lose another two hours of our life that we'd never get back again.

Up until then it had been a fun day. I'd taken the kids swimming and then experienced the force of nature that is our youngest daughter as she attacked her first game of tennis with the same vim and vigour that she attacks the rest of life. Nobody was safe from a tennis ball in the back of their skull in a two mile radius. Anyway, by the time their Grandad turned up for babysitting they were knackered leaving me to meet up with Mrs Smith happy in the knowledge they were compliant.

And then the curtain lifted!