Grand Designs

The project was on budget and on schedule but then we realised that we had forgotten to order the specialist, high-tech, UV-reflective, high-thermal-index glass from Germany. This could have been a disaster but we went to the allotments at two in the morning and nicked all if the glass out of the greenhouses. Phew! Kevin McCloud turned up expecting to film one of those "will it all go horribly wrong" pieces that he loves so much and was disappointed. Instead he had to go on about how the building "establishes a dialogue" with the next door Georgian town house and how it "sat well" in the landscape and how, being built exclusively from stolen materials, it was a totally recycled build and was "carbon-neutral".

Whilst he was recording this, we nicked his car.