Disbelief

The moment when belief dissolved into disbelief. 

These are looks that would have been mirrored on millions of faces after Croatia's equaliser. All around the country. All around the world even. My brothers, one in the States, one in Australia, were both watching. Unlike me, they weren't around to have experienced 1966. It is likely that this was their 'once in a lifetime' chance of seeing England in a World Cup Final.

It started so well. We scored early and threatened to score again. I later found out that Forrest - watching the game at the cricket club - screamed his joy at the goal so wildly that he dislocated his jaw, living him gaping in open-mouthed astonishment for the next couple of minutes before he was able to snap the joint back into place! 

In the first twenty minutes, we played like we were owning the occasion, believing in ourselves and our right to be on that huge world stage. I remained calm and confident, just like I had been in the previous match against Sweden. And then Harry Kane fluffed that golden double chance. Looking back now, it was like that miss broke the magic spell. The talisman cracked and so the players' own belief cracked along with it. And ours too. I know that my own belief started to ebb away from that point.

We dared to dream and we've been well rewarded for doing so. It's still a great story, even if we're not involved in the final denouement. It's an even greater story for the 'little' nation of Croatia, a story we've now become invested in ourselves. It's important to remember that at the very moment depicted here, there was jubilation going on elsewhere. With football, one person's sorrow is always another person's joy, not that we're talking about a zero-sum game here. Our sorrow at losing is soon forgotten but the joy of winning lasts for a lifetime. This tournament leaves a positive surplus upon the conclusion of the final, whoever happens to win.

I watched the game in London with Roam and Sheeny and Shannon, following Shenny's graduation ceremony and celebration dinner. There were people from all over the world at the restaurant, coming together in support of the English team. It felt great to be part of that, despite it being so emotionally draining. In the end I was almost relieved to hear the final whistle and avoid having to live through another penalty shoot-out. It's taken me three days to recover at it is!

We knew that we're not a great team - which is partly what made the story such a good one - but we are a thoroughly decent team, in every sense of that word. We do, however, have a great leader in Gareth Southgate. What I'll take most from this World Cup is the importance of leadership. I think that is what the English people most responded to this last few weeks - perhaps because it is so sadly lacking on the wider stage. 

Anyway, it was a hell of a ride. Just wanted to post my thoughts here so I can look back upon this day in four years time. You never know. It's good to dream.