Customer Service

My Dear Fellows and Dear Princess Normal,

Today I wrote an email to Wishbone Customer Service. You may remember that Wishbone is like Wellington's Pret.

My email went thus:

Hello Wishbone Customer Service Person,
 
So I have a couple of things to say. First of all, every morning I go to Wishbone at Number 3 The Terrace in Wellington. It is awesome. Every morning when I’m feeling grumpy and half-asleep your lovely staff cheer me up with their banter. It really is a pleasure going there, and I now refuse to go anywhere else even though my colleagues are all coffee-snobs who think it is weird I’m not visiting some artisan coffee place run by hippies with big beards and man-buns.
 
I mean really. Man-buns. What is that about?
 
I would especially like to mention the two Canadian women who work there. It occurs to me now that I do not know their names. One of them is from Montreal and the other is from Manitoba. So that is what I am going to call them from now on. Anyway, Manitoba & Montreal are just lovely and chatty and make me laugh every morning. They are the reason I am not going to an artisan coffee place. Just saying. Give them a raise, so they can spend it all on hockey-pucks and maple syrup or whatever it is that Canadians do.
 
But the OTHER thing I wanted to mention is the huge scary big door to the Terrace Wishbone. How to describe it? It’s this huge vicious glass slidey door and moving it is like rearranging furniture or going to the gym. Every morning I worry, “Do I have the actual physical strength to get a coffee this morning?” Seriously, one morning I am going to herniate myself on that door, and your lovely staff will find me scratching to be let in like a scruffy dog.
 
So your horrid door won’t stop me getting my coffee at Wishbone. I promise. But if you could make the horrid heavy slidey door lighter, or better yet replace it with “Star Trek” technology so that it just – WHOOOSH – opens when I rock up outside that would be awesome. It needs to make that whoosh noise though. I am 100% serious about this.
 
Thank you for listening, Wishbone Customer Service person.

S.