Take her down........

Mount Hawke Magistrate's Court was the place to be this morning.

Entering the dock in a white fur shell suit and new Nike trainers Miss Flossie was asked to identify herself and plead guilty or not guilty to the following charges; wilfully injuring her Master, wilfully ignoring his stated commands, destroying a rose bush, causing her Master distress when she started screaming as she caught her teeth in her toybox, acting in a lewd and depraved manner when called to heel in that you gave your Master the finger. In short you acted in a manner reminiscent of a tart played by the comic actor Mr Matt Lucas, a certain Miss Victoria Pollard.

"Whatever, where's my grub?"

Miss Flossie are you aware that your Master has many years experience dealing with awkward, lazy individuals otherwise known as Labradors?

"Nah."

Well I should advise you that your present confinement, walks on a lead and cancellation of all but necessary nourishment will, in due course, realign your mind and your rectum. Until such time as this should occur one would be well advised to keep one's teeth to oneself and obey your lawful Master. Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?

"Yeah, where's my bloody grub, I'm starving I am!"

In which case I approve your Master's stern approach, his reduction in your calorific intake until you relent and mend your ways and I further approve of his incarceration of your miserable pelt and bones. Take her down Constable.......

"I've got my rights! You wait until my lawyer hears about this! Get your hands off me you pervert, bloody coppers all the same, oooooo I like that."