Afraid (of) Americans

This week - with the election inching up on us - saw me determined to avoid posting a political blip, but I had to accept that I can only deny my roots up to a certain point. So for better or worse, here it goes:


In regards to the election, here's my wish list for my fellow Americans, be they democrats or republicans, mormons or scientists, christians or christians, feds or activists, parents or pornstars, west coast or east coast, friends or strangers. It's a really short list; I only have two wishes:


1) If you decided that you couldn't be bothered to cast your vote, please keep quiet when the topic of the conversation turns to politics. You gave up your right to participate in the conversation.

You are, of course, perfectly entitled to put your own comfort before your civil duties. No one (including myself!) blames you for thinking that your vote doesn't make a difference unless you're living in a swing state.

So feel free to stay home if you want to; get drunk, get laid, watch a movie - whatever floats your boat. I applaud you for being lucky enough to not feel any responsibility and for being smart enough to have a good time. Yes, I'm serious: kudos!

...as long as you realize that there's a trade-off for everything. In this case the price tag is your right to portray a citizen who feels a sense of social responsibility and moral obligation which weigh heavier than his own interests. You won't be able to convince me that you don't care more about yourself than society as a whole.


Your right to vote is not something that existed from the dawn of time. It wasn't created by whatever god(s) you believe in. It is something that can disappear faster than we want to believe. Anyone who isn't aware of this fact in the 21st century runs the risk of being made aware of it the hard way one day.

So pretty please, with sugar on top: if you didn't bother voting, keep your mouth shut when the rest of us are talking.
We are not disputing your right to an opinion. We are, however, denying you the right to shove it in our face.

But let me put your mind at rest right now: you won't have anything to fear from me. I tend to make up an excuse and leave when people begin to talk politics or religion.
Not for lack of convictions, mind you. Rather, it's a matter of lessons learned the hard way The staples sealing my lips tend to become loose after a while and it rarely ends well.


Why this lengthy lecture? It relates back to my last remark. I am utterly tired of having to listen to couch politicians bitching about how everything sucks.
I'm at a clear disadvantage there, not having allowed myself the luxury of staying home and coming up with clever one-liners. Instead I felt like I had to be part of the political process and cast my vote. Stupid me.

As a result, I tend to get angry when I have to listen to their talk. And I don't have room for any more anger in my life. I have no room for these people in my life.
So please, go and vote or go back to talking about talent shows and reality soaps.

But whatever you do, don't sit down at my table and talk politics. At the very least, approach my table slowly enough for me to gather my stuff and get up.


In order to illustrate my conviction in this matter here's a picture of me, being all excited about sending off my absentee voters ballot. The small picture on top is from 2008. What can I say? I had dedicated political science teachers in high school.

I already hinted at it in my last post by linking to Bowie's song: people the world over are afraid of Americans. I am one of them. For various reasons, I'd like to do all I can to change that.
...that's why I am voting. Even though as an expat, German politics probably affect me more than homeland policies would. Even though living overseas would make for a great excuse to enjoy the show from the sidelines.
...that's why I make a distinction between rights and duties when it comes to voting.
...that's why I am writing this post; even though I'm convinced that I'd be better off staying out of the light.

But I could be wrong about all of this. People like me might be the actual reason why the world is afraid of Americans. Because people like me can get this passionate about sending off a piece of mail.


Like I said, I might be wrong. I don't presume to possess the ultimate truth in all matters. At least in that aspect I differ from a lot of my fellow Americans.

...which brings me to my second wish:

2) If your favorite flavor of evil ends up winning the election, keep quiet.
Don't run around with a smug grin on your face for the next four years. Don't act like the prince of righteousness. Don't polish your pride or your hate. Don't be that kind of American.


To sum up my lengthy, ranting wish list in one sentence: Don't be an asshole.
The world has enough of those as it is; no need for us to join their ranks.
The world is afraid of Americans as it is; no need for us to add fuel to the fire.


And lastly, please forgive me if I sound like I'm sitting on a moral high horse. I assure you that it's just a side effect of me usually keeping my mouth shut in these matters. When I finally do open it, too much tends to come out.

I am perfectly aware of the fact that the last thing the world needs is another American's opinion on the Internet. But we all need to exorcise our demons one way or another.
Today I made an exception and chose to do this in a public manner.