Triangulation (extra)
In the evening I sat in the garden and watched the late light blushing the underbellies of the feeding house martins and swallows whilst the hooligan swifts screamed crisscrossing the skies above them.
Now as I write this I’m about to head off to the station to pick up young C. His train has been held up. I texted and checked if he was sure he wants to come. He said he did.
Yesterday and today I’ve tried to locate myself amongst the chaos of emotional co-ordinates. Being so down I’ve panicked and not felt up to seeing anyone. I don’t want to put my miserable self on the ‘beautiful boy’. I can be baffled that any of them should want to keep in contact. I also certainly don’t want to put him off. I am also delighted and excited and want to cry. So I’ve just been to the shops. I got some stuff so we could have a BBQ, or we could go to a pub, I’m not sure what he’d like to do. We’ll see. I hope I’ll be okay. I find all of it a bit hard to believe and all of it a bit overwhelming.