What Happened Next

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

We were all up early today. I got pestered awake by Punky wanting his brekky, and Er Indoors had to make a call to a client in the UK.

It is sort of nice that we're all up and abou... Oh, wait, Er Indoors is now asleep on the couch. 

It has always been this way. I am the Early Bird, she is the Night Owl and we meet somewhere in the middle. We are both homebodies though. Happy to stay in, if we can. I mean, we do enjoy going out and doing things, but never as much as just hanging out with the pusscats. 

It has always been like that, right from the start. Though obviously we were both a lot more sociable in our 20's when we were both single and looking for love. We both regularly went to the Hebrides bar on Market Street, brought there by two overlapping circles of friends.

Er Indoors was mates with The Fireman who was going out with Bonkers Chick who was mates with Folk Chick who was going out with Auslaender who is my best mate.

The Hebrides was - and is - a folk music bar. You'd be in there getting your pint and having a chat when you'd feel a foot thump on the floor - A-ONE, A-TWO, A-THREE...

Oh no.

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP!!! 

DEEDLE-DEEDLE. 

DEEDLE-DEEDLE-DEE. 

DEEDLE-DEEDLE. 

DEEDLE-DEEDLE.

Don't get me wrong. I like bagpipes. From a distance. Far away, they are very atmospheric and I got quite emotional when I heard them in Wellington recently. 

But in a bar. From TWO EFFING FEET away?!?

Eff's sake.

Me and Auslaender were trying to talk to each other. I had to lean forward to speak directly into his ear. He had to do the same to me.

"What a lovely couple," thought Er Indoors, sitting on the other side of the table from the two of us. So here's the thing. We HAD actually met before the emails started flying between us. We just didn't know we had met because...

DEEDLE DEEDLE DEEEEEEEEEEEwhhhhooooonkkk!!

No, please don't applaud him. He'll just start up again.

As it turns out, Er Indoors did NOT come to my 30th birthday party after all. It was really annoying. I had on-purpose stacked that party with single women in the hope that I would end up going out with ONE of them. But no luck. And no mysterious Er Indoors. 

(Bonkers Chick and The Fireman had a massive fight and so didn't go, and Er Indoors felt awkward about going on her own).

Via the internal email, we arranged to meet up the next weekend instead. One of my friends was in a band playing at the Cafe Royal. A whole bunch of us were going so it was a low-pressure, not-really-a-date date. But over the course of the week everyone dropped out. I remember calling Er Indoors and telling her this and also telling her if this put her off, it was okay. It was the first time I heard her voice.

Fortunately for me, she decided to come along anyway, even though it had now turned into a full-on, blind-date, date.

I have to say that the band was not very good. So we went into the Voodoo Lounge bar where they were playing much better music. We started knocking back Bacardi Breezers, which are lethal. You FEEL like you're drinking lemonade, until you realise you're on your arse and can't speak properly. Before we knew it we were singing along to all the songs. I remember we danced to "Making Your Mind Up" by Bucks Fizz. And then Er Indoors sang "Lying Eyes" by The Eagles, which I have considered to be Our Song ever since. 

Okay, it is not a great Our Song, given that it is all about cheating on your spouse. But sometimes you get no choice in the matter. 

Afterward, I lured Er Indoors back to my flat to hang out with my cats, Dusty & Ripley (today's blip). She played with the cats and then... nothing much happened. To be fair, we were in no state. 

The next day, I offered to make Er Indoors breakfast. I remember seeing her settling down onto my couch, like a cat on a nice blanket. She lit up a cigarette and I gave her a coffee and I could tell she was thinking, "Ooh. It's nice here. There's coffee and I get food brought to me. And there's telly."

At that time she shared a flat with the Stornaway Girls and therefore had to SHARE TELLY. 

I went out to the nearby shop for supplies ("Frank's Food 'n' Booze" - I'm not kidding) and to rent some movies from Blockbuster and we spent the entire Saturday in recovery. Eating pizza and watching things like "Deep Impact" and "The Devil's Advocate" and "A Perfect Murder". And Er Indoors told me all about coming to the UK and her adventures in backpackerland.

And she is really funny.

And the evening came. And I sort of wondered. "This is very nice and everything, but I wonder when she's leaving?"

The answer? She didn't. We didn't talk about it. She spent another evening. I didn't like to ask.

And nothing at all happened. AT ALL. Not even holding hands. I was confused.

Next morning. Cigarette. Coffee. Breakfast. Food 'n' Booze. Blockbuster. ("Pleasantville", "Blast From The Past", "10 Things I Hate About You").

Morning turned into afternoon, and afternoon turned into evening. 

Has this woman moved IN with me, and not told me about it?

Finally, the phone rang.

"Ha-ll-ooo-oooo?" came the singy-songy Hebridean accent. "Is Er Indoors there? We were chust a wee bit worried in case she'd been KILT."

I passed the phone to Er Indoors. She sighed, and reassured Choanne that no, she was still alive and not in pieces in my fridge.

"I suppose I'd better go home," she admitted. 
 
And that was the start of it. It was every weekend from then on. And eventually she stopped going home on Sunday. And eventually we did start holding hands. And now she's asleep at the other end of the couch from me. Still looking for all the world like a pussycat who has found the best bed in the house.

S.