Sycaclaw

Bad night (Mr C: puffy and wheezy, me: panicking about early morning trip to medical centre)

Whizzed off a.m. for blood tests, waited an hour to get punctured

Whizzed back for grocery delivery

Had special treat of scrambled eggs on toast (I'm not really supposed to eat a lot of egg)

Tried to be very normal and ordinary and laid-back for rest of day: shopping putting away, washing (bugger... just remembered I didn't hang up the washing to dry), watching film with 7-yr-old, even tried reading a bit...

but there's still this feeling of being caught, trapped, limited, and living in a shorter day than everyone else. I can't forgive myself for being like this and I feel constantly guilty.

I want to get out and do some serious walking but the weather's constantly shitty and Richard's cold weather asthma is troublesome.

Life is like a photograph right now. I can't seem to grasp it.
And I look terrible: really old, drained, pale, dry and swollen.

Tess asked this afternoon if I'm anxious about my blood tests (bless her)...
Anxious?
Me?!

Ha!

ah aha ah aha ah ah ah


(Happy Birthday to my younger sister, Sophie!)