Focal Points

I've found it hard to be sad today, a life lived true to oneself is a thing to celebrate, and Nan died as stubbornly, wonderfully Nan as Nan could be - and thankfully before she became a ghost. I've found I'm at peace with that.

Tougher has been a day of folk telling me how much I look like a father I never knew and a grandfather I adored. There are people on this side of my family that I haven't seen in four decades, young people I've never even met, and probably won't again. The only parts of this lost side of my family that I really knew or loved are now gone. These people are pleasant strangers with dim distant memories of a laughing little boy who was suddenly gone. They don't know, or need to know, what happened next. I'm pleased I look like my grandfather, much of the best in me was sown by him. But every soul needs a little steel, some resolve, the ability to pick yourself up and carry on - and that I got from Nan without a doubt.

Enroute to the church I pulled over and wandered a ways into these fields for a moment for me. A pause to remember what was, what is and what will always be. Once these were ours and I played here when not even as tall as the flowers, the world safe and full of wonder for a while. The grandparents that made it so are now gone but thanks to them that wonder remains. I don't know that I'll ever come here again, and if I do it's hard to imagine it could ever be the same. But I'll always carry them and all they gave within me, and that's a blessing.