leaving journey

I used to cry every time I had to leave home. I hate how the muscles in my tummy tense a little eventhough all I do is to think about how it feels like to leave home. To hug my mom and dad for one last time and to try to capture and store the feeling for times when I know I'll need. Because I know there will be times, like right now, I'll want to hug them but I won't be able to, I'll be far away. I hate the times I secretly start crying at the queue of the second security at the airport, hoping my parents won't notice the tears from where they wave at me (they probably do). I hate how I cry until I get hiccups once I made it past the security and I hate how I know people notice eventhough I can't see them because everything is so blurry. But the worst are the times when my mom comes to visit me in here and then we have to part at some point, and I have to stand on the metro, on my way back to school, crying as silently as possible. And it is worse than the airport, because now I feel really alone, because there are just so many people in the metro. And it feels alone.