I'm trying

Today was the day.

The hardest day of my life so far.

I'm doing this all on my own. Everyone else here has someone with them. I feel so alone. I feel so exposed.

They did it differently this time. I felt so uncomfortable with it. I don't understand why it was like this. I can't tell my boyfriend because he'll probably just find it funny. I find it so invasive. So upsetting. So uncomfortable.

He wrote a tweet about me at about 10am but I can't acknowledge that I've seen it because it just doesn't mean anything to me right now. Like I'm glad he publicly made it aware that he was thinking about me but at this very moment in time he's playing on his xbox and I'm sat crying my eyes out.

I miss his presence so much. 

He keeps coming in for 2 minutes to change my hot water bottle but I just want him to stop doing it and stay with him. But he wont. He ordered me food which is a nice thing I suppose. I appreciate the little things he's doing. But I don't need all of this. I just need him. I need to stop being so alone. 

I guess I asked for this.

All I do is push everyone away.

I'm sorry. I hope you can see how much I need you soon.