The Ship's Cat

My Dear Fellows and Dear Princess Normal,

The boys and me were awake very early today. The rain was pounding and the wind was whooshing and it was so lovely and atmospheric I decided not to fight it and instead lay there awake, listening.

The winds howled around the house and the rain battered against the windows. The timbers in the house-frame creaked and I fancied myself lying in a bunk on an 18th century frigate, bound for adventure round the Cape*.

I imagined that the room was lifting up and down against the motion of the water, as the currents pushed us fore and aft and the rain continued to lash the decks and the waves lapped dreamily against the sides and wait, wait, I need to pee.

I returned to my comfy bed, and the fantasy of a nautical life. Second Lieutenant Punky went aloft to take first watch of the day at five bells. He peered cautiously into the dawn, looking for the masts of Bonaparte's navy on the horizon. Suddenly there was...

Seriously? I need to POO now as well? This is bloody ridiculous. Give me five - no make that ten - minutes please...

Ok I'm back... blah blah blah the mighty ship climbs the waves upon a roiling ocean, on the lookout for Napoleon's navy. The wind howls, the rigging creaks, our stout vessel takes us toward the East Indies in search of...

MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW

Midshipman Jasper sounds the alarm! The French fleet has been sighted! Brace for action lads! Steady boys! We shall give the Corsican bandit a taste of our English...

Oh no, wait. It's just catty breakfast time. As you were people, we shall pick this up again tomorrow at 5am.

S.

* It is all Fat Pete's fault. He introduced me to the Hornblower books back in the mid-90's. The first one I ever read was "Hornblower and The Hotspur" and I've never looked back. They are thrilling tales of derring-do on the high seas. 

And they are resolutely English. I recall our favourite line in one of the Hornblower books was when Hornblower was caught up in a melee with Spaniards in the dark. It was so dark, he had trouble identifying his own men until...

"Suddenly, a man with a black gash of a moustache reared up before him, and was therefore no Englishman."

Well quite. You can't trust these foreign Johnnies with their facial hair. 

Despite being so English, Hornblower was in fact based on a Scot named Thomas Cochrane, a man whose adventures were so wild and incredible no-one would believe them. This is a man who blew up a French fleet with just a handful of men and yes, even went back to rescue the dog. 

As for Hornblower, CS Forrester's fictional adventurer was the inspiration for a certain Captain Kirk. Although I always found him more Spock-like what with his ability to calculate the odds of success before battle commenced.

Anyway, thank you Fat Pete.