not a leg to stand on

A couple of weeks ago I’m in our local Clarks shoe shop.  A pair of outdoor shoes catch my eye.  (OK - I know all shoes are technically ‘outdoor’ footwear - what I mean is tough, no nonsense, go anywhere shoes.  A bit like me.)

They do not have my size - and are unlikely to — they’re last year’s model (again a bit like me).  So I search the internet and come across a shoe shop in Ledbury, Herefordshire that has the very shoes - and in my size.  I click the ‘buy’ button, get confirmation of my order and sit back and wait in delicious anticipation.   

I start to fantasise about me and my new shoes.  I’m might wear them on our next blipmeet.  I’ll stride over hill and dale. I might even write a song about them, for when I’m striding.  Who knows where me and my shoes might end up. 

About a week later I’m checking my credit card statement and notice a transaction that I do not recognise - mainly because it’s in Chinese.  

I call my bank and go through the usual security rigmarole - it’s a credit card that I use solely for internet transactions so never leaves the house.  Anniemay hasn’t ‘borrowed’ it.  It is - as Toyah Wilcox once said - a mystery.

A bit more digging reveals that this shoe shop in Ledbury does not actually exist - it’s a front for a company based in China.  The bank tries to be helpful, but their options are limited.  If the shoes do not turn up within 14 days they can instigate a ‘charge back’ for undelivered goods.  

A parcel from China arrives this morning, just inside the deadline.  It’s a lot lighter than I’m expecting.  And not the shoes I’m expecting either.  These are not Clarks ‘outdoor’ tough, no nonsense blah blah blah shoes.  They’re not even Clarks.  Just a pair of lightweight, no-name pumps.  And expensive pumps at that.

My options at the moment are limited.  Goods have arrived, just not the goods I’m expecting.  Returning them is a hassle - the return address is somewhere near Alpha-Centuri. 

In case you’re wondering, I did google the name and address of the shop in Ledbury; it turns out to be a very nice B&B.  In the meantime I don’t seem to have a leg to stand on - not in these shoes anyway.