Hearts on Fire

My Dear Princess Normal & Dear Fellows,

Er Indoors and me are continuing to watch Australian reality series "Married At First Sight". It really is absolute crap of the worst sort, but what we were looking for was a sociable show. A show we could both mock, laugh and be appalled at together. 

It has certainly delivered on that count.

The first series reminded me of "Big Brother" when it first started. Do you remember that? I think it was 2000, and the show was presented as pseudo-science. A "social experiment" if you will. How DO strangers behave when their every move is monitored? What social dynamics will emerge? 

All fascinating questions. But just two or three years later, such questions were replaced with new ones. Such as, "Did she really get her kebab out on the telly?"

So Big Brother ditched the social experiment BS pretty early on. However, MAFS seems very coy about it. We are on to series 5 now and it's all "Tyler and Kerry are one week into the experiment" and "I'm not sure if Steven is as committed to the experiment as I am" and "I wonder if he'll get his leg over on day one of the experiment?"

(The show should actually be renamed, "Have They Shagged Yet?" It would be far more honest).

In fact, there is a MAFS drinking game where you drink a shot every time someone uses the word "experiment". I don't recommend this, unless you want to undergo your own experiment in having your stomach pumped to avoid alcohol poisoning.

We also noted that, early on, the panel of "psychologists" did make an attempt to match up people who were compatible. That didn't last so long. By series four they were clearly matching people for soap-opera reasons. Including matching a couple who were PERFECT for each other, except neither of them could move and they lived on opposite sides of Australia. "Sean and Susan have a very difficult decision to make," said the very concerned narrator while sad music played. 

I may have used the phrase "b*stard mothereffers" to describe the producers of the show at this point. I mean, why would you do that to people?

Oh yes. Ratings.

Then there was John. A lovely down-to-earth 53 year old Aussie bloke who got matched with a middle-aged, flakey, passive-aggressive hippy. 

"Oh. I thought you were going to be a Polynesian man," she complained at the altar. "I really wanted a Polynesian man."

I'm not sure what John was supposed to do with this information. Short of taking up the ukulele.

John (who was given the caption of "Not A Polynesian" for the duration of the show) had to put up with her whining for two more weeks. "I didn't get ANYTHING I wanted," said his bride. "No Polynesian man. Not even a gluten-free wedding cake."

The poor man tried. He really did. At one point in the show he pulled out her chair to show what a gent he was. Unfortunately he mistimed it and she fell right on her arse. This caused cheering and high-fives in our house. 

Of the TEN couples matched in series 4, a grand total of ZERO stayed together. Me and Er Indoors think there may have been some meaningful feedback from the public following this because series 5 seems to be an improvement. Many of the couples actually LIKE each other. Often they live in the same state! So we are feeling better about the latest bunch, well... mostly....

PSYCHOLOGIST 1: Here we've got Dean. He's a complete effing sh*thead who thinks women should be kept in the kitchen. He says he's still single at 37 because his personality is so obnoxious that it repels women, children and small dogs.
PSYCHOLOGIST 2: Well, they say "opposites attract" so I think he'd be a great match for Tracy, a relatively normal non-d*ckhead woman who describes herself as "really not deserving to be matched with a total c*** of a man". 
PSYCHOLOGIST 3: Putting Tracy with Dean would really push her out of her "comfort zone"! And she might even COUNTER some of his natural d*ckheaded arse-ish-ness! 
PSYCHOLOGIST 1: Tracy and Dean it is! 

However, there are only a couple of couples like that. For the most part they seem like a nicer bunch. And maybe it says something about me that, as cynical as I am about reality tv, when things work out I do find myself going, "Aawwwww..."

I hate myself for it. But it has happened a couple of times now. I don't know why I want things to work out for complete strangers off the telly who I don't know, but I do. Maybe there's an innate button in all of us that wants the best for other people. And even crap reality telly can push it. Really easily.

As for me and Er Indoors, my plan to watch these shows together has borne fruit. We are having some really fun conversations about the couples and maybe it has even made us more grateful than before about what we have. 

Aside from that alcohol-poisoning incident, it seems to have been a successful experiment.

S.

p.s. Today's blip title is due to the fact that I've been listening to a lot of Gram Parsones lately.