NUDE

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

The shopping bags you get out of Barkers - a clothing store which is a bit like Austin Reed - are all quite amusing. I liked the slogan on this bag.

But I wonder if it is true? And I wonder if this is where I am going wrong?

Don't misunderstand me. It's not like I attempt to use my nudity to influence events. I wish it could. I wish I could say, "Theresa, give us a second referendum and I'll show you my nob," but sadly politics does not work like that. Also her foreign secretary is a gigantic penis, so I don't think my tiddler would make much of an impression.

But that is not what I meant. I meant that I am nude quite a lot in life. I don't really like clothes and frolic about the flat without wherever possible. Unfortunately knickers are kind of essential a lot of the time to avoid traumatising the neighbours and leaving skiddies on the carpet, so it's not as often as I would like.

Things are cooling down now in NZ, but obviously during the heatwave, poor Er Indoors got to see a lot more of me than usual. It is a good thing she wears (and is able to remove) glasses, or it might have been grounds for divorce.

But I have to sleep in the nip. This is partly because I am too hot all the time and Er Indoors is too cold. As our weather changes I have noticed that she now has the wall-heater on in our bedroom. Meanwhile, I'm on the other side of the bed, with the sheets kicked off, nude, next to a fan.

Fortunately, this sort of behaviour seems to be tolerated by both Er Indoors and the pussycats. They have grown used to me. To be honest, it is not like they had much choice.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to influence Honey Boo Boo on the telly by showing him my bum.

S.