Iggy Plop

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

I bought Er Indoors an Easter Egg today. I love doing this. I do it every year, and she usually gets more than one because she loves them so much. 

It seems to transform her from a 40something professional recruiter into a 10 year old Kiwi girl. Even her accent comes back full-force:

"Oh my gawad! A igg! You got me a eastery igg!"

Like that. 

Then there's a whole performance. First the "igg" has to go in the fridge, because she likes her choccy brittle and firm. She will sit with her coffee in the evening and WHACK it on the side of the couch like a sea-otter, breaking shellfish on a rock.

This brings Punky running. He loves it, because he gets the crinkly paper. Er Indoors balls it up and throws it across the room for him. 

I am used to spending the months of March/April picking Eastery Igg wrappers up from the floor.

So I was very pleased to be able to get her one today. I climbed The Big Effing Hill home with it* and then headed to the fridge with it, stripping off into the nip as I went because I was also planning on having a shower and I like to multi-task**.

"Hey, can I go to the toilet before you get in the shower?" asked Er Indoors.

"Sure!" I said, full of good "I-just-bought-you-a-surprise-Eastery-igg" vibes. 

She reappeared two minutes later. "Sorry!" she said.

"That's all right!" I said, still beaming. And unaware of the HORRORS awaiting me.

"Oh MY GOD!" I said, emerging ten seconds later and gasping for air. "You didn't say it was for a POO."

"Well it wouldn't have made any difference," she replied flatly. "I had already activated the launch-sequence. We were at poo minus ten."

She makes a fair point I suppose. I couldn't suck one back up either, once my bum had made up its mind. Bums are singleminded creatures and you can't reason with them.

And anyway, the horrors of my bathroom are nothing compared to the men's lavvies in any office, ever. I was in there this morning having a farting competition with the bloke in the cubicle next door. Seriously, you should have heard us. It was like a rehearsal of the All-Star Kazoo Orchestra. It was like our bums were talking to each other. Having a good old chat about the state of the world and apparently, taking rather a dim view of it.

So I could have complained to Er Indoors, but I laughed along with her instead. Besides, karma being karma, I expect the tables will be turned all too soon.

S.

* I can now do this without the aid of a burly man giving me a Fireman's Lift.

** Which has the potential to lead to absent-minded "knickers in the fridge" scenarios, but all good so far.