Sunday

After taking several diazepam last night and going to bed it was an unsettled night.
I woke feeling 'fuzzy', my legs ached and I was so tired. I phoned Mum to say I couldn't see her due to yesterdays panic attack and how I was feeling. She said that was fine as she has a sore throat and wasn't feeling great, and was going back to bed.
I should be used to how she is and how she doesn't care about how I feel but it hurts.
I said to myself that it wasn't going to pray on my mind and I was going to get on with the day, but it did and I couldn't.

I went out for a walk along the water front, it was freezing, but felt good.

Came home, still feeling the anxiety, took another diazepam, self harmed, cried, and tried to sleep.

I don't know if I can do this by myself, and meaning 'this' is 'life'.