Things You see at Walmart

Today is my wife Lisa's 64th birthday. (We get to be the same age for 1 month.) I asked her what kind of picture she wanted for her special day. "How about 2 ospreys going at it?" I told her I would try. (She didn't really ask for that.)

I'm fighting a man-cold, so I waited in the car at Walmart while she went to get the ingredients for a broccoli salad she is making to take to dinner at our friend's house.

I thought as long as I was waiting, I might as well see if I could get a picture of the new osprey nest. Almost as soon as I was focused, the male came roaring in. He announced himself with authority, and straddled the female.

According to my camera data, the entire "act" took less than a minute. (I am going to refrain from making any comments about the elapsed time...and I hope you will, too.) :0)

Lisa's request of the day was sorted out, but I still had questions. What would a conversation sound like between Wally, the osprey from Walmart...and Cyrus (of the Sea), an osprey who lived at the ocean?

WALLY: "I don't think I would trade you, but what's it like living out on the water?"

CYRUS: "Let me tell you...the seagulls at the ocean will just drive you nuts. I work and I work to catch fish, and they just sit around pestering me, or waiting for me to drop a fish morsel. And...the crows are an annoying close second."

WALLY: "That sounds bad, But I've got gulls in my parking lot, too."

CYRUS: "But, nothing like at the ocean."

WALLY: "You're probably right. How's the food out there?"

CYRUS: "You know the story...it's FISH, FISH, FISH, although once in a while, I'll nab a hunk of Subway sandwich that a beachgoer dropped. How about you?"

WALLY: "It's the same for me. Mostly fish, but one time a customer dropped a bagful of mangos, and I swooped down and scarfed one. I didn't know how to peel it, but it sure was fun to peck at it. How about the people out there at the water?"

CYRUS: " I don't care if I ever see another overweight woman in a bikini, or a man in a banana hammock again, but sometimes you see so much...you get sort of jaded. How about you?"

WALLY: "Are you serious? Haven't you ever seen those You-tube videos of the people who shop at Walmart? Unbelievable how some folks dress. And...don't even get me started about the people who come in wearing their pajamas. THEIR PAJAMAS! At least you get a break when your sun-worshippers go home for the day. MY STORE IS OPEN 24 HOURS!!!"

CYRUS: "Nice meeting you Walmart Wally. You heard any good fishing tips lately?"

WALLY: " I got me some fine sea trout near the public landing, and a monster of a flounder near the bridge. The flounder was so good...I didn't even tell the missus I caught it. Can you spell S-E-L-F-I-S-H Cyrus?"

CYRUS: "Not a good story Wally. You have to learn how to share. We'll see ya Wally. I'm off to try to poop on a tourist. Nothing...and I mean nothing...more fun than that! HA! HA!