Good Grief 346

‘There was a time when ...the earth ...did seem apparelled in celestial light...’
WW gets it so well.
There was a time when I had so much more energy and would go up here often after P died. The energy of grief I suppose.
Now it seems a negotiation with myself and various uncertain parties.
It follows a pretty predictable pattern...
The essential domestic stuff that has to happen after the working week (and the vast amount I ignore).
The depression - ugh
The lack of motivation - why bother
The menopause - the lifelessness, the aching, the exhaustion
The despair
The grief, the sadness, the relentless sobs and tears
And then the practical
Get on and do it anyway, need the exercise and air
The acknowledgement and acceptance of this is as it is
It’s okay
It’s stunning
It’s Now

‘Apparelled in celestial light
...there hast past away a glory from the earth.’

More decompression from the week - reading a paper on grief and PTSD, thinking of this in relation to work; feelings of loneliness and the difficulties of bridging both that, the existential and complexity of trans-gender, social, cultural, small town, and personal, isolation. Most particularly the latter and the alienation from parts of self.

Just not enough time to process.