Blur

I'm watching a woman with a music degree who works for Seven Trent Water on TV's The Choir and having an inkling how she must feel not doing what makes her feel alive in her daily life.

I have such a feeling of being lost at the moment and not really doing anything much that makes me feel like me or makes me feel alive.

I feel very much that my current state and my feelings are a combination of being bound by duty, being female, being aware of what does or doesn't give a reward that others recognise as worthwhile, and, of course, that other messy factor that is my head.

When I watch/read/hear the news I know there is little reason for me to feel so low but the trappings of modern life can often feel so pointless and empty. I'm really not enjoying anything at the moment.

My tiny, bloody-minded, funster gremlin is always lurking and hammering inside my head. I don't know what I'd do without him.

The blur is the piano that wants playing.

Damn this stupid brain, stupid life and stupid society for ordering things in such a way that everything I do best and makes me whole seems worthless on some made-up scale