Rachel.

Some of you know me well although you may not realise it. It has been a long time since I have kept you up with my life, however this time I will not disclose who I am or used to be because I do not see the point. 

If you know me, you will know me straight away. I assure you those of whom used to matter, used to care, will see my words and know my prose and know my heart, so if you do, hello, I hope you are well.

it has been a very long time since I have felt complete, enough to write like I love and how I should, how I probably was meant to. So here it is. Here she is. She is the reason I feel I can put myself back on here in a new light, I can breathe again after what feels like, and is, a very long time trapped in a cycle of misery. I am free, you know? As if it was all for nothing. 

Isn't she beautiful? I can't even look her in the eye without smiling, to be fair I never thought I could feel like this, I love her more than anything, to be completely and and wholly honest, and I mean in reality the last time I felt anything seemed an absolute lifetime ago, I wasted so many hours on absolute shit, and now I see why. I kinda can actually see why it all had to happen. Despite the fact that I was convinced my life was fucking over. This was what it was all for. Everything that ever hurt.

She is perfect, I can't even explain it. She makes my stupid miserable sarcastic heart sing and I don't know how she fucking did it.

Gold stars going her way because frankly I was a write off as you all, of whom can remember, will know.

I can't use my old account anymore because it is a dangerous territory mentally and not only that there are so many people who watch and stalk waiting to hear from me that it kinda creeps me out. 

But anyway, this is the first entry of many I would assume if I know myself. Which strangely these days I do.

I'm fucking happy man. I'm free.

- R