Ned and Senga Go To A Barbecue

My Dear Fellows and Princess Normal,

Today we were invited to our first ever Kiwi barbecue at the home of Paula and Rob.

You may remember Paula is Er indoors's mate from school in her Mount Maunganui days.

I came prepared. I made my guacamole for a start. See ingredients above. Once again it was CONSUMED within minutes. Man, people love that stuff.

"You'll hear a lot from Rob about Mount Maunganui girls," predicted Paula. I took this to mean that Rob's opinion of MM girls is that they are a hard drinking full-on staunch breed of Kiwi chick. Or something.

I had also brought along Er indoors's new favourite wine. It is called "The Ned" which I find funny*. In retrospect I may have bought TOO MUCH Ned because by 11pm Er Indoors was orf her head. Rat@rsed. Sh1tfaced. Tired and emotional. Effed, blootered, trousered and pushed.

I suggested it might be time to Uber home. My suggestion was politely ignored.

"Nah. Me and Paula man. Mount Maunganui girls.... yaaaaay....."

Long story short. Two hours later and Er Indoors was sitting on Paula's kitchen floor because she had fallen off her chair. But she seemed quite happy down there and still in full flow about Mount Maunganui.

But she finally allowed me to call a taxi. We got home 15 minutes ago. It took a while to get in our flat because I was worried she might fall over again.

"I need to call Paula and tell her this is not me," protested Er Indoors as I put her to bed. I reassured her that Paula probably knew this. And besides Paula was just as effed as she was at this point anyway.

"S'normally me putting YOU to bed," added Er Indoors.

Rude!

True. But still rude.

So that was my evening. I'm feeling quite sober. I think it's that whole couple-preservation thing where you take it in turns to be responsible. For some reason I managed to keep it together tonight despite drinking "Ned" myself.

But not as much as Paula and Er Indoors. The Mount Maunganui girls. Yaaaaaaay.

S.

* For non Scottish people - a "Ned" is a name given to a hard drinking unsophisticated person. And his female counterpart is "Senga".