Pixie Pods

My Dear Fellows & Princess Normal,

We cracked. We have become those people. Coffee Nobs. But I've got an excuse. See, the thing is that New Zealanders are so into proper real roasted bean dark flavours with notes of caramel coffee, that their instant coffee is SH*T.

Whoops. That just slipped out. But it is TRUE. I've tried a few now and they all taste slightly metallic. Or maybe that is me. Oh my GOD!! Am I having a brain aneurism???

No. I have just checked. It is definitely the coffee.

So we decided to get a baby Nespresso maker. "Isn't it CUTE?!" said Er Indoors. She is right. It is called "The Pixie" and it is the cutest thing I've ever seen that makes coffee other than myself.

After a bit of setting up I turned it on. I don't know what I was expecting. I suppose with a name like "Pixie" I was expecting it to make cofee with a "TING!" or a "ZZZIP!" and maybe even an adorable little giggle.

Instead it made a noise like a pneumatic drill taking a sh*t on a corrugated iron roof. Or a bull elephant driving a Harley-Davidson through a plate-glass window.

"IT'S A BIT NOISY," I said.
"EH??" replied Er Indoors.
"I SAY. IT'S A BIT NOISY." The cats ran for cover. Neighbours adopted the "drop, crouch and hold" earthquake position*.

Er Indoors assured me that Feefs's Nespresso was just as noisy and we would "get used to it". It's true I suppose. In just two or three days I expect my hearing to have been so badly damaged that I wouldn't even hear Twisted Sister rehearsing in the spare room.

But at least we now have non-metallic tasting coffee. I gave a cup to Er Indoors. "It smells strong," she said.

I ventured it was. "In a few days we'll be bouncing off the walls and talking fast OHMYGODTHISISTHEBESTCOFFEEEVERDOYOUWANTANOTHERCUP. Like that," I said.

"And we'll be sh*tting for Scotland," added Er Indoors. She always elevates the conversation.

So there you have it. We are now one step closer to being true Wellingtonians. With our cute little Nespresso pods and our EFFING NOISY Pixie. But we continue sh*tting for Scotland though. Our hearts, and apparently our colons, belong there still.

S.

* Which reminds me. We experienced a 4.8 tremor on Sunday night. I was trying to get to sleep when my bed started shaking. It says something about me that my first thought was "Demonic Possession! Away Satan! The power of Christ compels you!!"

I have watched FAR TOO MANY horror films.