Temptation

The lodger moves in, complete with a 60 inch telly and Chromecast. Trying to install the screen in his bedroom was jigsaw enough, but it soon became evident that the wireless signal wasn't going to be strong enough. Did I promise unlimited internet included with the rent? Neah, but I'm soft at heart, and my bleeding devices wouldn't work with the extra traffic from his!  

When I'm giving BT the amount I do every month I expect something for my money, although the Internet here has never been stable. 

First mistake: Ring the helpline
Agent one hasn't a clue, passes to agent two who has less of a clue, passes to tech, who pass me back to billing, who pass me to faults, who pass me back to tech. =2.5 hrs

Second mistake: Believe that someone is talking sense.
Eureka, Infinity is finally available in my area.  Powerful, stable and extra fast broadband for £20 extra per month. I can ill afford it but it seems to be the only solution. My hair is visibly a changed shade of grey when I looked in the mirror that evening.

Third mistake: Order the product
A new Smart router arrives promising a better signal throughout the building. 'Install box immediately and find instant improvement of service even before Infinity arrives a few days later'. 
Yeah, right! Immediate deterioration of service ensues. Oh well, I'm sure it will be better when Infinity is installed. 

When I phone BT, I'm sure, my name comes up in flashing red capital letters. Problem after problem and complaint after complaint, I'm not an easy customer. Change provider you say. Yeah, been there, done that, and so have my neighbours. The result; better the devil you know as shite for shite, BT just gets the edge and the problems stem from Outreach whichever evil you go with. 
I have monitored my broadband signal constantly, and the logs have proved their worth on numerous occasions.  Since moving here my maximum download speed has been 10.75mbps and upload speeds have never reached 1.00 mbps.

The big day arrives.  Wow, the box flashes most of the day as the service upgrades,  All done, I look forward to watching a few missed programs on IPlayer.  Why won't it work?  Measure speed.  Cut long story short. I now have the dizzying speeds of between 1.34 and 4.6 mbps, but I can upload at the amazing speed of 1.5 mbps. 

The engineer arrives and explains I am 1490 meters from the exchange and there's another 60 meters of cable over the paddock.  No way am I ever going to get Infinity, unless BT agrees to dig a trench from Shere or Guildford! 

Now spending more infuriating hours on the phone to the general incompetent to try and get the line put back to copper! 

See that hammer!