Cravings

My Dear Princess Normal and Dear Fellows,

I had a look at some UK food websites last night. 

Now before you roll your eyes at me and say, "Well, THAT didn't take long," let me explain. It occurred to me recently that I don't miss UK things as much as I thought I would. 

I thought M&S would be the big one. But actually because I get home much earlier, I find I'm cooking more, and therefore M&S ready meals aren't really required. 

Therefore, I decided to check out UK Goodies to investigate what it is that other displaced Poms are craving and see if anything would appeal to me. 

The things that seem to come up a lot are:

Irn Bru, HP Sauce, Toffee Crisps, Wispas, Digestive Biscuits and Hob-Nobs, Walkers Crisps (especially the more exotic flavours) Yorkshire Tea, Jaffa Cakes, Branston Pickle, Reggae Reggae Sauce, Pot Noodles, Walnut Whips, Fingers of Fudge and Curly-Wurlys.

Those last two made me wonder if expat Poms are actually just wanting to re-live their childhoods. I mean, when was the last time you, as a UK adult person, felt the need for a Curly-Wurly*?

Another very odd thing that comes up is Fairy Liquid. I mean. What sort of weird-@rse homesickness is it where you feel like you need to wash up with lemon-scented Fairy?

So I wasn't that fussed about those things. However I may do a bulk order of Heinz Cream of Tomato Soup in case of medical emergency. 

But I then went FURTHER. I googled "haggis nz" and discovered there is a place you can get mail-order haggis, made right here in New Zealand. I think I'll have to do that. They also do pork sausages with apple or black pudding. I should explain that Kiwis do have pork sausage but they are hugely conservative with it. You can get pork & fennel at the VERY exotic stores here, but people look at you weird and whisper behind your back.

So my shopping list is surprisingly short - haggis, experimental sausage, tomato soup and gravy granules.

Yes! Gravy granules! You can get the regular Bisto ones here, but not Bisto Best. That seems to be a UK-only thing. Fortunately UK Goodies have them. I already knew about the Bisto Best situation because of Fat Pete. He asked me and Bokhara to bring him some in Germany last July.

I gave the two jars to Bokhara. I would have put them in my own carry-on baggage but I was laden down with several kilos of sausages (the Germans are also very unadventurous when it comes to shoving things in with their pork, it seems). 

At the airport, my Crombie's One O'clock Bangers made it through the security checks with no issue. But then I looked around and saw Bokhara being yanked to one side and a security guard very cautiously shaking the Bisto Best jar.

"It's GRAVY GRANULES," explained Bokhara, cursing me, while the security guy pulled on a rubber glove. 

Fortunately, I'll be able to get my granules mail-order. Although I believe here in Wellington, gravy granules have a street value of $50 a ounce. Maybe I'll start lacing my gravy with cocaine instead. It might be cheaper.

S.

* If this is something DISGUSTING on urbandictionary, I'm sorry.