passageways

"there's a nestedness implicit there."

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thinking of crawling out and standing on the roof and seeing what it looks like from up there. cool breeze blowing - fall is here - there is a crispness in the morning and when i put on my tights and my ridiculous j.crew sweater with the new dress, well, first i think of you. then i think about how it's cold enough for that.

the new dress is white. i guess the times are changing; i never would have worn white in my past life.

it has little black ducks on it.

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you know they say some dreams aren't supposed to ever come true? i hate that but i know it's true. you outgrow them, get older, get different, find other things. but are some dreams the kind you just can't even have? i hope this isn't one of them.

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only someone like you could pull off glasses that big and nerdy without managing to make them look completely and utterly awful. something about it works. as i'm staring into space, the wood panels - all from different trees, carefully labelled as to their identity - blend together. i imagine running away from everything. disappearance is a powerful thing.

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i guess it's artistic license for someone like me to blend it all together, mix up the you's and the we's and the moments. truth and fiction blurred. sometimes i wonder if even those who know me really well can read between the lines and see the story i'm telling. it doesn't matter but i wonder. there's something raw about that.

i'm waiting, it's the patient kind of waiting.