Close Every Door To me...

Another person to add to my list of experts who I want to smack really hard in the face after Dr Professor Smiley Chops Cox..... Nigella Flipping Fanny Face Lawson.

I had a day off today, I decided to be Domestic Goddess; seeing as how Si woke me up and said "Time to Get up", and then remembered I had a holiday today. My list of things to do included: Macaroons, a la Simon Rimmer on Sunday Brunch, Fruit cake, like the one someone made the other week and I had a piece, and if I had time, meringues, and chicken with coconut for dinner.

I made sure I had clingy jumper on to emphasis my curves. I licked my lips and fingers suggestively at every opportunity, and drop splatters of batter down my cleavage .

My macaroons, which were to cook for 9 minutes in an oven with the door slightly ajar, did nothing. I didn't know my flipping oven went off when the door opened!! I stuck them in for 7 minutes with the door shut, and when I opened it - my eight macaroons, had melded in to one. When I cooked the next tray, Mum arrived for a natter, and they got burnt.

The cake... mmm, maybe I soaked it in a little too much Schnapps and Orange juice. To say this cake is moist, is to say that rain is wet.

My meringues... well, yeah, they are okay, if you like little brown sticky meringues. Si ate one when he came in. He thought they were the macaroons.

The chicken and Coconut goujons. mmm. Well. What can I say. We ate them. I think I might have a sick day tomorrow, along with Si.

So I wasn't going to distress you with shots of my cooking. It would be too much ammo for Mrs W and her cooking perfection, and I will not have my splattered bosums held up for comparison with fanny face. Hmmm. I give you, my weird eye.

Good job my husband loves me for more than my domestic abilities!