The day started in a blur of gas leaks and water leaks.
Then the plumber said 
What do you think that is?
I said ' A bomb?'
He said yes.
I went to the police station.
It was shut . It was Saturday.
I phoned 101.
Waited 20 minutes. Put me through to control room.
We'll have someone there soon.
What do you mean? I haven't told Mam yet.
I'll meet you there.
Blue lights.
Panic.
Another 2 policemen.
In Mams cellar.
It's a very old home made battery.
There are a few down there.
And you have another water leak.
Best get  the plumber back.

You couldn't make it up.