On guard

Martha had great fun at birthday girl Talia's musketeer party (pass the parcel and musical bumps are so last century for seven-year-olds).

An hour's tuition from a fencer who competed in the 2000 Olympics (he mentioned that once or twice) was rounded off by some fights wearing the full gear, during which the children forgot everything they had learned and just slashed wildly at each other as Mr Olympian shouted, 'This isn't Pirates of the Caribbean!'

It so WAS Pirates of the Caribbean.