Pingers

Dear Princess Normal & Fat Pete,

"BOOM!"

This is Feefs's favourite word. Probably not just her. I think it is sweeping New Zealand. Essentially it's what you say when the job is done, success has been achieved. All good. BOOM.

For example, right now Feefs is sitting in our hotel room booking a rental car that will take us around Wellington for the next few days, going around the shops and picking up the bits Er Indoors and I need to set up our new home.

"A Holden Commodore. F*cken-A. BOOM."

You may take that to mean that she is pleased with the choice of car. She was also pleased that we've managed to order food.

"Wait. Wait. I've found a note," she said. "It's on my phone, 'Head To Forage' - what does that mean? Is it a restaurant? How f*cken stoned was I when I wrote that?"

A lot of discussion has been going on regarding purchases to be made tomorrow and Saturday.

Step ladders? Sure. Coat hangers? Ooh, I hadn't thought of that. Well, fortunately you have me.

That's what I've just been listening to.

And you'll have a super-king bed. You might need a step for Jasper.

Good lord. I'm starting to get concerned. And I've just been spending up a storm ordering our groceries. Well over $900. That's a lot of dollars. Or a lot of "pingers" as Feefs calls them.

But it is to completely stock a kitchen. Not just food for the month, but all the spices, condiments, cat stuff, mops, buckets and other cleaning products.

ESPECIALLY cleaning products. And ESPECIALLY for the toilet. And why? Well today we were shown around our new flat by Miranda, our new landlady (and also Feefs's mother in law). Unfortunately when we got to the bathroom, Miranda found a special present. In the toilet.

"F***'s sake man, that is one heinous-looking sh*t," said Feefs. And it was too. The perpetrator had shat with abandon, and then apparently run away, terrified by what he had accomplished.

"Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed," said Miranda.

It's a shame. Miranda went to such lengths. She's had the place completely repainted and new heating panels put in just for us. But she also hired a man to clean the carpets and it seems he had decided to go all Jackson Pollock in our bathroom on the way out.

So the FIRST FIRST FIRST thing we are doing tomorrow when we move into our new flat proper, is to, "Pour a ****ing bucket of bleach down that stinking ****ing toilet," according to Er Indoors. This was said while Feefs made boking faces in the background.

But that is for tomorrow. Tonight we are still in our hotel room in central Wellington, calling stores, arranging times, booking cars, ordering room service and getting the job done.

BOOM. F*cken-A.

S.