Preparations

There are levels of cleaning.

First level - basic upkeep. This is my favoured level. Things are essentially clean and sort of tidy. Ish. This is how I live.

Second level - visitors are coming, but they're people I know well enough to take me as they find me. But I like to make a bit of an effort to make sure they've got somewhere to sit that's not covered in toys / piles of laundry

Third level - visitors are coming, but I don't know them very well / I feel some probably unnecessary need to impress them or make them think I'm more organised and efficient than I actually am

Fourth level - "mother-in-law" clean. Down one is visiting that I probably don't like, but I feel will judge the state of my house as an indictment of the kind of person I am

Fifth and final level - I'm about to open up my house to strangers in the hope that one of them will buy it and free me from the current cage of bricks and mortar and move on to the next chapter of my life. This level requires me and my bloody awesome mum to commit to a solid day of steaming, scrubbing and general drudgery. My house does not look like my house. Which in essence, I suppose it's not. Fingers crossed it works