Once when I was 22 or 23 I was in the parking lot of the community college in Eugene, Oregon where I was training to be an alcohol and drug counselor. (wait, have I not told you that story!?!- another time perhaps)

Anyway, I remember it vividly, my two older friends (by 20 years) from "the program" Bobby and Robin were talking to me and Bobby (a woman) asked me what my sign was. I told her I was a Pisces. She said "oh yes, of course you are!" She said "a word of advice for the future... Pisces get fat fish bellies so keep an eye on it."

At the time, I thought about her words with momentarily no current issues of fish belly and I walked away. However, I never forgot it. It is strange what we remember.

I have hated my body (parts of it) for a long time, probably since it turned from a child's body into a womans. My shoulders and back are too broad, my neck too short, my nose with it's mole and it's upturned button appearance, my baby fine hair and strong Rosie the Riveter arms, my cylindrical torso with no waist, the fish belly and narrow hips, thick thighs and flat feet. However, it is all mine and it has seen and done a lot of good things.

And there are parts I like. My big eyes, my eyebrows, my lips, my smile, my teeth, my ears, my fore arms, my wrists, my hands and my dainty pinky fingers, my breasts (most of the time) my calves and the way I can cut my own fine hair and make it look pretty decent most of the time. So, that is not too bad.

I am 40 and I am tired of being at war with myself due to my low self esteem and my perceived faults. I want to accept myself. Blip has helped a lot. Those self portraits that I have been taking over the years have been mostly for me, so that I could try to see someone inside myself worth it all. I have never been traditionally pretty nor have I wanted to be so. I just wanted to allow myself a place to grow and explore without being afraid, without saying no and without censoring myself.

I pretty much like who I am most days yet there is still a lot of work to be done should I choose to do it. I am lovable. I am decent. I am worth it all.

x.