Afternoon Boozing

Is a bit of a mistake ;-) One large glass of red wine later and I'm feeling a bit snoozy....

I met A, J and M for a girlie lunch this afternoon. It was my turn to book it, and I/we chose Thai food. But the girls got there first, and as it was such a beautiful day, they chose a different place because it had outdoor space. At first it tapped into those feelings of failure, and that they didn't like the place I'd chosen (they'd all looked at it too), but it was better to sit outside.

We found a quiet street and picked an Italian restaurant. It was like being outside in Spain! We had the two course menu, a lovely salad and then we all had the salmon, but the wine whacked the bill up so it was £31 for just that! 

It was nice having a catch up. But it was very hot, and as we went our separate ways, I began to feel those uncomfortable feelings. 

I had planned to look at the shops, but in the end I just walked from one end of the street to the other. 

I had a little nap on the train, after stopping to buy some flip flops as my feet were so sore...

I finally wanted to return to gym tonight, but it was the club festival so it wasn't on. I headed home, and flaked out. I had planned to do a bit of school stuff, but all I did was a plan, no more reports that still aren't finished.

I felt blue, and had to dig deep. I am a bit worried about this week. I have an interview for a non-teaching job in London, and I'm going to look at another school tomorrow. I haven't had time to research the company or plan my outfit, so that will be tomorrow's night's job. 

I was on Facebook this evening, and they posted a little video about Emmy's funeral. It was so beautiful, and I tried hard not to cry as I watched. Looking at somebody's life, and thinking of her family and husband who have lost so much, really hits home. 

We, the collective we, are so caught up in doing what's expected, rather than making the most of what we have. I feel, likely the same as everybody else, that I'm a wage slave. I want so much more, but feel frustrated as to how to make it happen. It made me wonder if I will ever know a love as deep as theirs, and how lucky they were to have it while they did. 

It puts things into perspective, but yet I still feel trapped. Hmmm. I'm going to have to make some changes. I've not been fired- we were told where we would be in September on Friday etc; but I feel that even if Thursday's meeting goes ok-ish, I don't want to just take the safe option, as I think I'll end up feeling the same way and perpetuating the dissatisfaction. 

I want to break free. I just don't know how exactly...

True Love