Mr Bisby

Mr Bisby never turned up
Mr Bisby never appeared
We were expecting him to help us out
But Mr Bisby never stirred.

We were in the middle of a calamity
We needed his expert touch
We phoned and he said he’d be over
And that it wouldn’t cost us much.

We waited for an hour
We hung around for two
Then we phoned again and said to him,
“Mr Bisby where are you?”

“I’ll be there, don’t worry,”
Was what Mr Bisby said.
“We’ll see you soon then Bisby?”
Mr Bisby said, “You bet.”

But Mr Bisby never turned up
Mr Bisby never came
We were expecting him (he said he’d come)
But Bisby stayed at home.

So we rang once more and politely said
(Though we felt like wringing his neck!)
“Mr Bisby, can’t you hurry?”
But he replied, “Not yet.

I’ve got my own emergency
I must have some support
I’m waiting for assistance. “
(And long may you wait we thought).

However,
Our calamity passed
As calamities do
Which is really
Just as well

For Mr Bisby never turned up
Mr Bisby never came through.

So if you have a problem
If things are not quite right
Don’t call for Mr Bisby
You’ll wait for him all night.

All through the day you’ll wait for him
You’ll wait for evermore
Mr Bisby is unreliable -
Of that you can be sure.

So if Mr Bisby ever wants me
If there’s something that can’t wait
I’ll consult my calendar
And select a distant date.

Yes, if Bisby’s in a hurry
You bet I’ll finish my tea.
I’ll think about it later –
Mr Bisby can wait for me!