Thursday

We weren't going to S and K's for tea tonight as they are preparing to go on holiday on Sunday.
But Lewis has caught chicken pox for the 2nd time and they are bad. K is taking him to the docs tomorrow to get checked out again and they are sure he'll say he can't fly. He has spots everywhere, face covered. 
L was looking forward to having chocolate ice cream and giving 'his monies to the gondola man'.
They are both gutted and I feel awful for them and annoyed I can't make it better for them.

Mum decided we should go out for tea instead and I know why. I got all her moans, about her friends, grandma, tradesmen, and life and how she can't cope. She is going on holiday next Wed as is worried about Grandma, but she is fine and we are here.
She asked no questions about me, my week. She has no idea what I did last weekend and how I am still feeling it. No idea what thoughts I am having which I shouldn't be having.  She has  no idea what I am thinking , how I am feeling.

I am on my own in this world.
I have come home, self harmed and opened the cider.

This yacht caught my attention just before we went into the Starbank for tea.