An incredible journey

So one year ago today I was nervously counting down the minutes to an appointment at the Early Pregnancy Unit. After the shock and joy of finding out about our miracle a few days later I started to bleed. At first it was a tiny spot of pink and that was ok, I'd read that was ok, but then it turned bright red, it was more than a spot. Dr Google tells you this is a concern and to contact your medical professional. I was at work. I felt alone and numb. I phoned the doctors and they got a gp to phone me right back, only she was the least reassuring gp ever and basically made it sound like game over, I was having a miscarriage and there was nothing I could do about it. I kept asking 'but some women do bleed and everything is ok isn't it?' but as I said least reassuring gp ever but she conceded to make me an appointment for an early scan, first appointment available was in 5 days.

I remember leaving work early in a daze and trying to not cry as obviously no one knew what was going on, the tram journey was horrendous and I walked through the front door and just burst into tears and said I might be losing the baby.

The world seemed very cruel at that moment.

It's the most vulnerable time and you are left alone with no expert medical advice, no midwife at that stage to call for proper care. I think this is probably the biggest failing in anti natal care, you are left to fend for yourself until your booking appointment when actually you have a million and one questions and your only answer is Dr Google .... step away from Dr Google, please for your own sanity.

However I am very lucky an amazing lady while on her holiday gave me the facts, told me the truth and most importantly didn't scare me.

So I made that journey to the hospital alone, getting to the hospital easy, getting to EPU not so. I asked at the front desk, they'd not heard of it, then one lady oh yes it's down there and gave me directions, only that wasn't right and then the next set of directions wasn't right only this time it did lead me to a nurse who knew what EPU means and obviously the ramifications of why someone would be sent there. I was already late by this point but she took charge and took me down, using a staff only short cut as well. My merry dance around the hospital left me stressed on the point of tears and terrified they would turn me away ... so yeah hospitals make sure the staff you have on reception to sign post visitors know what the sensitive clinics are and make sure they know where they are.

Luckily I wasn't turned away. That hospital waiting room was the saddest place ever, full of desperation and silent hope.

I was called to my scan. First she tried external and nothing, but I was prepared I knew early on external can be hit and miss, internal not a problem had those before for PCOS so I knew what was coming. She showed me a tiny beating blob, I cried, my little miracle was hanging on. Nothing was amiss and no cause for the bleeding was ever found.

Blob was classed as 'viable' and I got my first scan picture (they don't make you pay for that one). I knew we weren't out of the woods yet we were still in a highly critical period of pregnancy but blob was hanging on and I was too.