Miracles

One year ago today I was feeling really rough after having had what I thought were mega period cramps but no period ever came. My period due date had come and gone and the days were rolling over and yet I just figured it was my PCOS acting up. I thought the pain just isn't letting up it's time to go back to the doctors, but despite despite my infertility I knew I would be asked if it was possible that I could be pregnant as I was 'late' so during my lunch break I popped to wilkinson and brought the cheapest pregnancy tests they do.

It had been a long time since I'd last brought a pregnancy test, a long time since driving myself crazy tracking ovulation and every deviation from my normal thinking is this the month only for that little test to come back negative and the crushing disappointment, it seriously affected my mental health and so we stopped tracking and 'actively' trying, but we also did nothing to prevent.

As the years ticked over we just figured we weren't going to be the lucky ones. Sure I'd had lots of well meaning people tell me about their friend of a friend with PCOS who had magically conceived but actually rather than providing hope I found those stories a bit of a bitter pill to swallow, like your validation of a couple only comes when you reproduce and the well meaning stories make you feel like a failure.

Infertility is hard, it's lonely, it's soul destroying. Everyone travels that road differently, we let go, we grieved for what we believed would never be.

Our need to nurture transitioned to adopting bunnies there was always a small tiny glimmer of hope but one that we no longer clung to after 8 years we were happy to live out our days together knowing that it just wasn't to be and we'd made peace with that.

So I got home from work and peed on that little stick, I knew that they took time to work so I then checked the instructions but it immediately showed positive, it was so quick, I thought I was reading the test wrong, it had been a long time maybe tests worked differently now. I was in a bit of shock, I'd not even told Mr Mouse that I'd brought a test, why would I when I 'knew' it would be negative and I was just doing it as a formality. I stumbled down the stairs with pee stick and instructions then thrust them at Mr Mouse and said I think I'm pregnant am I reading that right?

We were both stunned, confused and didn't want to believe the test and our comprehension of the results and so I stumbled out and brought a digital test, that one little word 'pregnant' was a huge shock, it changed our world