Tuesday

It's been a bit of a emotional day.

First thing was a dr appt. I had a long chat with him about how I am feeling, and how I am scared. Firstly because I don't want to go back to how I was feeling. Secondly I don't want to be on these tablets forever.
He said there was no hurry to come off them, there is no specific deadline.
So we have agreed to up my meds by one tablet again and take it from there.

Work then counselling; a change of night. I spent 10mins on the beach watching the sky and these two walked into the shot and stood.

Talking about feeling and thinking . We have found that I have blocked the way to feel for years and now I am beginning to feel again and its painful. Talked lots about Dad and his last 12hrs and the coming few days. All these years ago I went into practical mode and got busy. I didn't feel and still now I can't 'feel' about these times.
Apparently it will take time to start feeling as I don't know how to do it.