Sod's Law

I don't normally pick stuff out of skips but couldn't resist this from the High Street in Peebles. Whether it was written by A.L.Storey, the Optician whose premises are under renovation for his successor, or was found during the process, I was not informed, but the working chaps there seemed amused and were happy to lay it by for me to collect an hour or so later.

The full text (written entirely in capitals) reads:-

Sod's Law and other Potted Axioms

Sod's Law (or Murphy's Law) -
If it can go wrong, it will.

O'Toole's Axiom -
Sod was an optimist.

First corollary to Sod's Law -
Anything that can go wrong will do so at the worst possible moment.

Howe's Law -
Every man (and woman) has a scheme which will not work.

Zymurgy's Law of Evolving Systems and Dynamics
Once you open a can of worms the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Skinner's Constant - (Politicians only)
The quantity which must be multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, to give the answer you want.

The Law of Selected Gravity -
An object will always fall so as to do the most damage.

Jennings' Colloraly (sic) -
The chance of bread falling with the jam side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Maurice Rock's Law -
Anyone plunged in liquid receives a phone call.

Townsend's Law -
A visit to the loo is an opening to ring the door bell.

Miller's Law of Insurance -
An insurance policy covers everything except what happens.