Moët

'Honey, if you're going to do it, then do it with Moët,' she said, all snarled up like, as though the words were even crushed before she'd even thought about speaking them.

'Expensive choice hun!' Bernie replied, his heart not in it but his head knowing that Charlene never ever got these things wrong.

'It's a legal high, right?' he asked, knowing only too well the answer and that nights out with HRH almost always led to stories to tell for a thousand years.

She raised her eyebrows as though the very effort of doing so would force him to drop the bomb. He dropped the bomb.

It took thirty minutes and lasted the next 24 and took some explaining to the arresting officer who found him riding a surfboard on a parked VW camper van encircled by bemused hippies and left wing chancers.

A X