orange ball of hate

i finally hit that critical point today, the epic breakdown. i know myself and sometimes i just need to have an irrational cry and get it over with. unfortunately, it happened at BRIT this morning. can't win them all, i guess.

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drove to austin tonight to take the mock calculus exam tomorrow. this is the trial run for the real test next week which will determine whether or not i can proceed as planned - so yes, rather important. decided to not cram it all into one day, this time though.

beautiful sunsets, heavy hearts. messages i can't decode.

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"orange ball of hate" - the mountain goats

"This is a song, takes place in California, it was on the first CD. It's about that moment in which you know it's not gonna get any better, but you're going to prove to somebody exactly how strong you are."

When I hear the screeching weather vane
in the wild wind and the hissing rain
I know that one of us, I'm not saying who,
has got rocks in her head
as the rain comes through the open window
But you don't think so

I sure do love you
I sure do love you

When I notice that the radio is broken
I see you standing there in the doorway soaking
The water drizzles off of you down to the floor
and I say that I don't want to live in New England anymore
Some flower petals stick to your skin
I grab hold of your hip, and I pull you in

When the building establishes control
When the thunder from the north begins to roll down our way
I know I've been right all along
and you start singing that stupid children's song
You think I don't know it
but I just don't feel like singing it

I sure do love you
I sure do love you