Saturday

My usual Saturday routine was disrupted today as I had to take my Aunt to the airport in the afternoon.
I headed out C******** shopping in the morning , passing the harbour. The sun was out and I hadn't spent time at the harbour for ages.
Shopping done I had some lunch and wrapped the gifts.

Picked up Mum and my Aunt and out to the airport. Dropped Mum back home and I went to the supermarket. By this time it was dark.
I decided to go for  a coffee before I headed home.
I started to feel anxious; my insides were burning and my hands were shaking. Tried to ignore it, giving me enough time to finish the coffee and get back home.
I didn't feel safe driving home but thankfully got home ok. Shopping away and the symptoms came back. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking and was in tears. For what seemed like forever I paced the flat, self harmed, paced some more and eventually I calmed down. I sat on the sofa feeling exhausted and did some colouring.

It will be early to bed tonight, it has wiped me out and left me wondering why? Was it because I like routine and todays changed? Can I not cope with change?